pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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