Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
