i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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