I heard we made out
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
