Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
