The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
