Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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