I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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