shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
