We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
