HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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