It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
