my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
