Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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