when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
