For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
