did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
