He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I did not marry a roomba.
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