Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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