if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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