her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
