someone get that fucking seahorse.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
