Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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