why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
