I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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