its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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