Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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