What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
