happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
