Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
