Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
