I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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