we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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