2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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