arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
someone owes me an orgasm
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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