lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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