hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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