WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
