Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
