Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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