you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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