I molested 6 butterflies tonight
babies were throwing up all over the place
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
