I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
