I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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