she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My pussy is not your playground.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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