ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
