im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
