someone get that fucking seahorse.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
