Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
