I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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