Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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