based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
