Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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