Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
