Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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